Published on June 17th, 2013 | by admin0
Relationships, sobriety and STAYING SINGLE FOREVER
SINGLE AGAIN and plan to stay that way. I like sleeping alone (with my dog of course), eating when and what I want, and absolutely NO DRAMA to speak of.
Its so refreshing to have gotten rid of the boyfriend stress a few weeks ago. Today I realized just how much it has affected even my workouts. I am so incredibly strong right now that I have surpassed some of my best accomplishments so far. It just proves to me that NO STRESS, being happy, and the ability to totally focus on my training pays off. Its a shame that I wasted a whole year trying to make a relationship work. I fell into his manipulating just to use me for his own totally selfish needs. I made a promise to help him for a year and by God I kept my promise, even if it affected my sanity and emotional being.
It’s old behavior for me to bale when things got rough, but since I got sober 11 years ago on May 10th. 2002, I promised myself to be a better person, to help others, and always keep my word. Although the boyfriend tried to get sober he was not able to stay that way, which should have been reason enough for me to bale on him, but I myself had to experience several relapses before I finally got it so I couldn’t expect him to do it the first time. The difference for me was that at least I went to meetings everyday, sometimes twice a day for the first 3 years and I DIDN’T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT! I do hate that I let him totally use me and he definitely took me down a few notches financially but its only money.
I thank God he is out of my life now …. I am certain he will be living his own private hell sooner than later. I do believe in Karma and it can be a real bitch. Life’s ups and downs are learning experiences and they can make us stronger if we weather out the storms. I WILL SURVIVE 🙂
Thank you all for bearing with me this past year. I am sorry to have ignored this website and all my fans. No matter what I keep my head clear (sober) and especially when things are tough I choose to “get grateful”. Thinking about what I AM grateful for in my life quickly erases the resentful feelings I may be harboring. It helps to get out of my own head when I can put effort into listening and helping someone else who may be going through hard times.
Walking through a painful experience sucks but being aware of how I personally get through it helps me realize that THIS TOO SHALL PASS. (and it always does). For me I always feel intense anger, at not only the object of my resentment, but especially myself for allowing the situation to happen in the first place. I have to forgive myself for starters but forgiving the other person is hard. I have to remember that some people are way sicker than others so I can let it go and get on with my life. Life is way too short to be miserable and unhappy.
Today I AM HAPPY.
My youngest son has finished this past semester with STRAIGHT A’s and his AA degree, and had been accepted to Cal State Fullerton to finish with a Bachelors degree in business / marketing. I have two older sons living on the east coast who are both doing well, both work as finish carpenters in the custom home building business. I have successfully raised 3 sons and I am very proud of them.
My Boston Terrier, Molly, is the love of my life right now. I just had her “fixed” yesterday so she is not feeling too well right now. The anesthesia still has her stomach upset and I can barely get her to eat or drink. A tiny but of progress is better than nothing. She ate a few bites of chicken but still no water, but she did lick on an ice cube. It hasn’t been 24 hrs since her surgery so she should progress throughout the day.
XOXOXO Jillian FoXXX