After leaving a ten year marriage in 1999 I moved to Las Vegas so we could have some space between us. I don't know that this was a very good idea in that I kept my mind focused on other things like work, the gym, and swinging. I turned into an internet junkie and used particular websites to meet people who were also interested in swinging. I was only interested in being with other women since it was the side of the lifestyle I never had the chance to experience when I was with my husband. Drugs and alcohol kept he and I cooped up inside our home so we were only able to find other men to join us as a 3 sum. My husband was not bi sexual by no means but he did like watching me fuck other guys. I have to tell you ..... I HATED doing it. It felt so wrong to me. I built a huge resentment because he was constantly having his sexual fantasy fulfilled and my fantasy of being with another woman NEVER happened. We were always trying but back in 1999 computers were not in everyone's household and we used telephone chat lines to find people interested in the same thing we were. We did meet a few couples but the women were always disappointing so it never materialized.
After moving to Vegas I experienced the RED ROOSTER and COUPLES OASIS swing clubs and discovered that the clubs were the best way to meet hot females. My stay in Vegas lasted until January 2000, only eight months total. My youngest son was still living with my husband in Southern California and he was wanting to come live with me. Las Vegas is NOT a good place to raise children in my opinion so it was time for me to go back to California. When I went back my husband let me move back into the house but I had to stay in the spare bedroom. You see, while I was in Vegas trying to forget, he was pissed that I left and he started seeing other women. One night he actually brought one of his girlfriends into the house while I was there. I could over hear them giggling and carrying on in the back bedroom and it infuriated me. The realization that our marriege was truly over had finally hit me.
I began using drugs (meth amphetamine) and drinking alcohol ALOT and started on a six month binge that spiraled down hill and came real close to killing me. You see I was feeling sorry for myself and my self esteeme was out the window. I just didn't care if I lived or died.
I look back on that time of my life and I just don't understand how I could have let myself get that bad. My poor son, during all this
time, had to watch his pitful mother go on her path of destruction. The following two years were rockie. After four relapses and two six week rehabs I FINALLY got sober on May 10 2002. I entered a third rehab. This time it was for 90 days instead of 6 weeks.
to be continued...............................
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I am sorry I have not been writing lately. I have not had anything exciting to write about and I have been a little uninspired lately. I am only human and do get "down" on occassion but I did manage to shake myself out of it last week and now I am hitting the gym hard and WOW ...THAT's exactly what I needed! THEN I logged onto my blog here and noticed all the comments you all wrote under my last entry way back on January 28th.
LETS START WITH THIS COMMENT:
I have a sincere question for you Jillian.
How old were you when you first fell in love?
And what happened to break you two apart?
REAL LOVE? I was 32 years old when I was in a healthy loving relationship and married for the second time. I had already had three sons, ages four, nine and eleven.
Before that I had no idea what love was. I married the first time because I felt an obligation I guess. STUPID stupid stupid I was very young. I was raised in an old school family where girls were expected to find a good man to take care of them right out of high school, start having babies, and live a similar life to my parents. My Mom and Dad are still alive and married to each other by the way. I left home at 17 because I did not get along with my mother at the time and I just had to get away. I moved in with a guy I had been dating since I was 15 years old. I was a kid and had absolutely NO IDEA what love was or even who I was as a person. I didn't know what I could or couldn't put up with in a relationship at all. But how does anyone know unless you have experience in such matters. THIS fact is why I tell my youngest son ALL THE TIME that the more girls he dates the more he will know what behaviors he can or can not live with.
Life has to have priorities, which will tend to change as specific goals are met. If I could turn back the clock knowing what I know now, I would have concentrated on a career so I was able to live ON MY OWN and experience life as a single and financially independent female.
I left my second marriage after 10 years. Drugs and alcohol played a huge part and of course after dabbling in the Swinging Lifestyle into our fifth year we started to damage our marriage beyond repair. Five years of following this path of destruction I could not stand it any longer and left in May 1999.
Whew......this is a mouthful of stuff already. I need to take a break and talk more about THIS later.
STAY TUNED IN FOR CONTINUED..........
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A week ago I came down with a little bit of a sore throat so I have been laying low for the past week. Laying low was just a little hard considering I was booked for an INTERNET SHOOT on Friday January 22nd. Call time was 1 PM and we did not finish until after 7 PM. It was a little longer than an average shoot but I did 4 small solo masturbation scenes and then 20 minutes of boy - girl video. I was hoping to be able to hide my tummy scar with garters but by the time we got to the boy-girl scene I just performed totally naked. Everybody knows I've had the surgery so why hide it? It really doesn't look that bad .... I guess we will all find out after the scenes are released.
www.anilos.com is the web site. My scenes should be up in maybe 30 days? Naughty America is that fast...we'll see. I'll keep checking and will let everyone know when I see it.
Saturday morning I woke up feeling as though I had been in a train wreck. My hip abductors and entire bottom half of my back were KILLING ME so much that I had to sleep in my spare bedroom where the mattress is way softer than my tempurpedic. Last night I was finally able to sleep on my tempurpedic......YES!!!!
I gotta run to the gym. xoxoxoxo Jillian Foxxx
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Happy New Year everybody!
I have not bothered to even check my web site until this morning and would like to respond to a couple of comments that are listed on my last post.
My sons are all grown adults. My youngest son is 25 years old and he is the only son who is aware of my profession at this time. He is a California kid and therefore VERY open minded sexually. Here in California PORN is a business that saturates this particular area. No one really gets too surprised when they hear of a person working in the adult industry. My son and I are like best friends. He loves me UNCONDITIONALLY as I do him and his brothers too of course. My career has no affect what so ever on my relationship with my family. I am still a great mom, daughter, sister, and friend to everyone who exists in my life and THAT is what matters. I not only try to never hurt anyone else on a daily basis, but I will try to help another person (or animal) who may be in need when ever I can. I am careful on who I reach out to however because there are people out there who will take advantage of "giving" people like me.
New Years Eve for me was spent as I always spend it.... in bed by 10:30 PM (as usual). I do not drink alcohol. There is NOTHING at all in this entire world that will ever make me crave a drink or a drug. That part of my life is behind me but never forgotten.
xoxoxo
Jillian Foxxx
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I wish everyone a blessed day with your loved ones.
Christmas Eve I spent with my youngest son. We went to DUKES Restaurant in Huntington Beach for an early dinner as we do every year. Today he is spending the afternoon and having dinner with his father and I will be mingling with a group of recovering alcoholics at my best friend's house where they will have alot of good food. I have been spending Christmas day in this exact way for the past seven years....... with my "other" family since the rest of my real family is over 3,000 miles away.
xoxoxo
Jillian Foxxx
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